I'll Pass, Thank You

Ever been to the Northeast? Ever taken a toll road there?
If you answered 'Yes' to these questions, you were most likely the recipient of the shittiest gameshow vacation prize ever. You lucky dog, you.

See, about a decade ago, the State of New York thought it would be a "cool" and "really futuristic" idea to have lanes on the toll roads become electronic. The product of this brainchild is called "E-Z Pass." It saves you, as a commuter, a bunch of time because you don't have to get a ticket and sort through your change tray every 14 seconds. It saves the State money (and this is the biggie) because they no longer have to pay some shlub to sit at a booth and collect the money you just dug out of your change tray 13 seconds ago.

Hooray, hooray, everybody wins.

Or so you think.

There's a caveat here. The state didn't have an open audition to see who could create the best computerized tag system (they call these things "tags," they stick to the inside of your windshield and the tollbooth reads them... I don't really know why I'm telling you this, if you've graduated from a horse and buggy you should really know this by now). They commissioned the lowest bidder. They'll probably have you believe that it was some huge contractual bargain war, but the end result is so incredibly devoid of worth that I'll never believe the best company won that bid. Ever. (hmm... two superlatives in one post... I'm on fire)

So what we ended up with here in NY (and NJ, Mass and surrounding areas) was a piece of crap company supplying the 'next generation' tollbooth hardware. And it's a crock.

I took economics in college. It was my major, in fact. Hard to believe, I know, what with all the nerdy computer stuff I do, but I'm not lying here. If you've never taken an econ. class, I'll illustrate a simple principal: Competition good, monopolies bad.

When you have a monopoly over a market (as E-Z Pass does over the tollbooth thing), there's no pressure to improve, no pressure to excel beyond "poor," no pressure to innovate, no pressure to have any sort of customer service above "sucks donkey balls."

So, for example, if Ohio came out with a vastly improved futuristic toll-thingy, it still wouldn't matter since NY would need to buy in-- and they can't with this contract. I've heard this has actually caused several dozen economics professors to commit mass coordinated suicides. My former thesis advisor was one of them.

In the mornings, the E-Z Pass lanes are literally longer than the cash-only lanes, and while you can argue that they move a little quicker in some areas (unless you have the case of an unwitting tourist, then everybody's screwed), I've found that on my morning commute it makes virtually no difference. That's right, I tested it.

Look, I'm not saying that it's not a good idea. It's a great idea. But bring some competition in here. Give us a choice, New York. Any choice. Please. Pretty please. Pretty please with quarters on top.

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