Pardon the Schizophrenia
Since there's never 'just one side' to an issue, I'm allowing my split personalities to take over this column for today, "PTI" style. As I see it, there's no other way. (And yes, I'm aware that schizophrenia and split personality disorder are two different things).
Topic: Rafael Palmeiro's Hall of Fame status
Jekyll: Steroids weren't even illegal in the big leagues until this past year.
Hyde: They're illegal in the United States. What more do you need?
Jekyll: Even Canseco said there's no way to judge how much a player improves by taking steroids. Until we can measure that, how can we even say "tainted?"
Hyde: Fine, then give Ben Johnson his Gold Medal back.
Jekyll: It was illegal in the IOC then. Plus, who knows how many pitchers were juicing? Baseball's action against him shouldn't warrant an exclusion from the HOF. If they only see fit to sit him out 10 games, what's the big deal?
Hyde: Because if Selig could, he'd impose tougher rules, but the player's association won't let him. Although, now that you mention pitchers, Gaylord Perry was an admitted cheater and he's in.
Jekyll: Do you think the Oriole's should cancel the planned day in Raffy's honor?
Hyde: No. Raffy should cancel it himself. Be a man about it.
Jekyll: What does Palmeiro have to do to reconcile with the fans?
Hyde: Shoot somebody.
Jekyll: What?
Hyde: Worked for Ray Lewis.
Topic: NFL Training Camp Holdouts
Hyde: Buncha whining overpaid babies. Go play the game you supposedly love to play and shut up about it.
Jekyll: Football isn't baseball. NFL contracts aren't guaranteed. Owners can cut a player without compensating them a dime. Why shouldn't players have a retaliatory action?
Hyde: They should. They should absolutely be able to renegotiate, but not by holding out. It sends the wrong message to the fans. If you're proving you're worth more money, you need to prove that on the field, not through the press. Unless you're Terrell Owens.
Jekyll: What do you have against Owens?
Hyde: Nothing, I just hope he gets run over by a bus, that's all.
Jekyll: You don't think the Eagles need him?
Hyde: Playoffs last year: 2-0 without him, 0-1 with him.
Topic: Peter Forsberg makes the Flyers Cup favorites this season
Jekyll: Forsberg makes anybody the Cup favorite.
Hyde: They're already over their cap. They're going to have to cut somebody, and that's going to mean a loss to the team.
Jekyll: Yeah but who else is there?
Hyde: Colorado's in it. Calgary's way up there. And did you forget about the defending champs?
Jekyll: I'll only include Tampa Bay if they get Khabibulin back. Without him, they're average.
Hyde: You're.... average. How about Edmonton?
Jekyll: Contenders. You like Detroit this year?
Hyde: Please.
Topic: Jockey Day retires after 32 years
Jekyll: Horse racing isn't a sport. Jockeys aren't athletes.
Hyde: Couldn't agree more. Next topic.
Topic: The Columbus Blue Jackets have the ugliest jerseys in the NHL
Jekyll: Adam Foote went from Colorado to Columbus, making the biggest decline in jersey-attractiveness possible. The Av's jerseys are striking. The Blue Jackets look like a circus.
Hyde: Not as ugly as those old Phoenix jerseys.
Jekyll: We're talking current here.
Hyde: Then I'm going with Atlanta as ugliest... but Columbus is close. By the way, those alternate Avs jerseys are just a cheap rip-off of the Rangers.
Jekyll: That wasn't necessary.
Hyde: Says you.
Topic: You excited about the new X-Box 360?
Hyde: Not for 300 bucks.
Jekyll: I'm a PS2 guy, myself.
Topic: Is Anna Nicole Smith still hot?
Hyde: Yes.
Jekyll: What?!? Are you on drugs?
Hyde: Several. But what can I say, I'm a boob guy.
Jekyll: You're something all right. I'll take Mandy Moore over her any day.
Hyde: What is it with you and that girl?
Jekyll: Only reason I'm watching 'Entourage' this season.
posted by BJC @ 10:28 AM
Your thoughts (5 so far)
5 Comments:
The answer to your second question is: only in pictures.
And yeah, my brain gets busy. I actually had so much fun writing this I might make it a regular occurrence. Two sides of me are constantly trying to see all sides of an issue. And this way I can show that only half of me is an asshole.
Quickly: Anna Nicole isn't hot because we all know from experience that the rest of her body might catch up to her boobs at any moment. Overnight. You go to sleep with a Guess Jeans girl and wake up next to Shamoo. Horrible. I shudder to think.
Onward: Just call the piece "Devil's Advocate." Like Alison, I found myself doing this sort of thing all the time.
Questions: 1) I got hooked on hockey thanks to Sega (is there a better team EVER than the old Blackhawks as they were represented on Sega Hockey 1993... short answer, "no"). Finally, Atlanta got a franchise. Now it looks like they should make the playoffs, especially with Heatly, the Russian and the Rangers' castoff. What's your impression of the Thrashers (other than shitty uni's)?
2) When do you start the new job? I'm on at the Beer place on Aug. 15.
Alison,
Right is creative.
Scott,
You're showing your age when you talk about 'down the road' with ANS. We all know from her short-lived TV show that she is not a 'long term' type of girl. I'm talking 15 minutes tops.
Question 1) You're right. Sega got an entire generation hooked on hockey and a similar video game blitz would be huge for the sport right now. And yeah, the B'Hawks were money back then - Roenick, Larmer, Chelios, Belfour...
Like I said on Tuesday, Holik going to Atlanta was the best move so far of the free-agent signing period (second best now behind Forsberg and Philly). A veteran gritty center between two young phenoms will be near unstoppable. What the Thrashers need to do now is make a splash by signing a big name goalie-- specifically, Nikolai Khabibulin. They have the cap room, and doing this will send a message to the fans that they're serious about winning soon. They don't have a strong defense right now (3rd worst goals against in East), but having "Bulin wall" back there should provide enough breathing room for a vaunted offense.
At the very least, the Holik/Heatly/Kovalchuk line should challenge the mid-90's Hawks for best video game line ever.
2. I start the last week in August. I leave my current job next Thursday, followed by 2 and 1/2 weeks of traveling, part of which will be taking me to Alabama.
What are you doing over at Miller anyway?
On Premise Rep. Bars and Restaurants -- deliveries, signage, neon, promotions, etc. Taking the Miller girls to promotions.
And ESPN thinks it has the "dream job."
I liked it, no I didn't, yes I did....
I am looking forward to seeing what all these changes to the teams will look like in 61 days...
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