The Low-Life Hall of Fame

I have a confession.

Some strange part of me likes hearing about these trashy people. It's a small part, although it sometimes gets the best of me and forces me to watch shows like Cops and Springer (and why haven't these two shows been combined yet? You're telling me you wouldn't watch Springer in the back of a squad car asking the perp just where his life went wrong and when is he going to tell his fiancé(s) that he's really a transgender mutated gay armadillo? You can't tell me you wouldn't watch that. You just can't).

Pout? Empty purse? How can she possibly be lying?

I derive some sick sort of pleasure watching these attention (and income) starved people like Anna Ayala (the chick that falsely reported finding a finger in her fast food chili) and Elicia Battle (the woman who claimed to have dropped a $162 million lottery ticket). Even Timothy Crebase and his cronies, the three guys who went on TV saying they found buried bank notes which, as it turned out, they stole. You can't make this stuff up.

Mind you, I'm not encouraging this type of behavior. On the contrary, I really wish these people could be put in a public forum and beaten with a rubber hose-- but it's still fun to watch. I think it's the part of me that just loves to see other people screw up. Very similar to the part of me that loves to see those poor celebrities go to rehab for crippling addictions to methamphetamines.

I think they should have some sort of a trash-hall-of-fame for lowlifes. It wouldn't be a prestigious shrine for heroes or athletes or Jim Davis. Rather, it would have the frivolous litigants and pathological liars and Paris Hiltons and anybody who has ever appeared on "The Real World" (after season 2). On the one hand, that would be giving them what they were after in the first place-- cheap and undeserved fame. But on the other hand, wouldn't it be great to take your grandkids to a museum where you have the sort of hand-me-down conversations that grandparents often have with, well, everybody?

"See her? She had actually sued almost a dozen other companies looking for a handout."
"Was she a hobo, grandpa?"
"Pretty much, Brad III. Pretty much. And they never found out where she got the finger in the first place!"

I can't wait.

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