Schizo-Football

(Author's note: This post is in a series of split-personality-disorder sports arguments. Since there's never just one side of the story)

I'm back.

I'm back, too.

We're a quarter into the NFL season (yes, a quarter, now that every team has played four games), so it's high time I bring you my two bits on football season.

Me, I'm a gamblin' man.

Me, I'm not, but I'll argue to high hell about football.

So each week I'll try to run some football talks, and some picks, brought to you by both hemispheres of a spirally twisted brain.

Giants at COWBOYS (-3.5)
Jekyll: I'll take Eli Manning and the G-Men over the 'Boys this week. He's leading a strong offense this year.
Hyde: What? Did you even watch the Eagles game last week? Dallas picked them apart!
Jekyll: Yeah but McNabb's hurt, you can't expect him to keep it up all season.
Hyde: And Eli Manning? Overrated. Come on. Show me something when it counts.
Jekyll: Nine TDs and 2 picks this year, and those 2 picks both came off a receiver's bobble. The kid's for real.
Hyde: Look, I'm not saying he won't be a good quarterback, I'm saying he's not ready to take on Parcells, Bledsoe, some reincarnation of Terry Glenn, and the rest of those guys. And do you know the Giants' record coming off a bye week? It's horrible. Plus, they have one of the worst passing defenses in the league.
Jekyll: So Cowboys with the points?
Hyde: Yep, 'Boys with the points.
Jekyll: I'm taking the Giants.

CAROLINA at Detroit (+1.5)
Jekyll: I'm having trouble figuring out the Panthers this year.
Hyde: Everybody is, that's why the Lions don't have a prayer.
Jekyll: You don't think Harrington's got a chance?
Hyde: Joey Harrington is a longer-lasting version of Ryan Leaf. That's how much I think of him.
Jekyll: I don't think he's got Leaf's arm, either.
Hyde: I'd take the Panthers in this game if they were getting 12 points on the spread this week, I don't care, that's how much I think the Lions suck. So at 1.5? Come on, you gotta take them.
Jekyll: I don't agree. The Lions haven't lost at home this year, they beat the Ravens--
Hyde: ...and the Packers, that's it! Who cares?
Jekyll: You know, if you pick the Panthers in this game, you'll officially be Sports Illustrated's bitch. Prison bitch.
Hyde: Sign me up.
Jekyll: Whatever, I still pick Steve Mariucci's Lions.

Washington at KANSAS CITY (-6)
Hyde: I'm picking the Redskins as my upset special this week.
Jekyll: And you apparently picked crack as well.
Hyde: They're 3 and 1.
Jekyll: You know the Patriots are underdogs this week too, right?
Hyde: No. I'm sticking with it. That's final.
Jekyll: Dumb ass. KC's got this game.

Minnesota at CHICAGO (-2)
Jekyll: Who you got here?
Hyde: Wow.
Jekyll: Any guesses?
Hyde: Wow.
Jekyll: Culpepper to rebound?
Hyde: Jesus Christ. I can't think of a worse game to watch.
Jekyll: ... at least they're not playing shirts and skins. I'll take the Vikes.
Hyde: No way, Chicago's D at home.

Cleveland at BALTIMORE (-4)
Jekyll: Well here's my upset special this week, I'm taking the Browns in this game.
Hyde: I like the Ravens' defense here.
Jekyll: Yeah, and you also liked them last week against the Lions. You remember them, right?
Hyde: What, you think Ruben Droughns can carry this team?
Jekyll: Better than Kyle Boller. Man I hate that guy.
Hyde: Sticking with Ray Lewis this week.
Jekyll: Whatsamatter, buddy? Afraid you'll get shot if you don't?
Hyde: Yeah, kinda.

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