Hockey for Dummies

My buddy Dave suggested that I go over some of the new rule changes proposed for the NHL, in layman's terms. A majority of the 'new rule' breakdowns you'll find speak to the hardcore hockey fans, not the casual ones (read: the ones you need to reach). Most of the country isn't too interested in the sport right now, and hopefully this will at least turn a few heads.

Rink Dimensions
No, the actual size of the rinks aren't changing (NHL-size is well below Olympic size, so it's baffling why they're trying to play that "world" style when they're not even willing to expand the ice... but I digress), but the lines within them are. The offensive and defensive zones are expanding at the expense of the neutral zone, which means more action at the goals and less crap in the middle.

They're also diminishing the area behind the net by a few feet (aka cramping Gretzky's office). This cuts down on the area in the offensive zone with no angle at the goal (can't score from behind the net). The less room back there, the less chance a player has of getting trapped with no shot. Hence, more shots.

Both of these are huge pluses.

Whistles that Casual Fans Don't Understand
Off-Sides is when a player enters the offensive zone before the puck. Sounds simple, but the rules make it complicated. I won't get into detail. But they're eliminating the 2-Line Pass, which makes it easier for big plays (think of it in football terms-- would the game be as exciting if you could only pass 5 yards at a time? No. You're looking for the bombs-- and that's what this rule enables, the long passes).
When you hear the "Tag-up rule," all it means is that players can get on-sides more quickly. The casual fan won't notice.
Changes to the rule known as 'Icing' won't be noticed much either. Don't worry about it.

Fat Goalies
Goalies won't be allowed to wear sumo pads anymore, which should have a nice increase in scoring. It's not that the skill of goalies changed at all, it's just that they were able to reach pucks more effectively by wearing bigger pads. This should help control that. It was getting ugly.

They're also trying to limit where goalies can play the puck behind the net, which is fine because goalies are fat and lazy and don't really like to skate much anyway-- which is why they're goalies in the first place. Lazy bastards.

The NHL '92 Rules
If you played the Sega Genesis, no doubt you've run across the NHL games, which were the premier sports video games of their time. They've since been overtaken by the Madden series, but their historical significance remains. They call the new rule the 'instigator' rule (Author's note: adding another 2 minutes for instigating a fight in NHL '92 was akin to winning the Stanley Cup. It made you feel good inside. The game had merits in other places but the fighting was genius. In '93 they added blood, which forced purists and parents to protest and from '94 to '96 they didn't have fighting at all, and to this day they still haven't put blood back into the franchise. It was a dark period for the entire Sega system. I guess you could say it marked the exodus for the Genesis).

If you start a fight in the last 5 minutes of a game, you're thrown out. Which might stand as the stupidest rule in the history of any sport, since you get 5 minutes (unreleasable) in the box for fighting anyway. Of course, the main reason for instituting the "game misconduct" (also known as a "match penalty") rule is that the offending players get suspended for the next game too. Which is horseshit. Fighting should be downplayed if the game's going to catch on, but why punish guys longer just because of the time at which they fought? What are you going to tell them, "Stick up for yourself but remember to watch the clock"? Come on.

Go to Olympics, Vote For Jamaica
I'm surprised I've gone 4 months into this blog without even sniffing a Cool Runnings reference, but there you go. The NHL is considering adopting the Olympic-style shootout to decide tie games, which is a change long overdue. Sure, overtime can be exciting if somebody wins, but it's such a letdown to have nobody come out on top. I was at MSG to watch the Rangers play Tampa Bay a few years back, and they walked away with a 2-2 tie. What do you say after that? "Uh... well... they didn't lose." (Author's Note: Coincidentally, that same game my brother was picked out from the crowd to compete in a between-period contest, where he had to dress up like a puck -- yeah, you read that right-- and race two other guys in an obstacle course. He was leading until the final turn when he took a spill, and ended up taking second place to 18,000 cheering fans. Great race. After it was done, he left through the Tampa Bay player's tunnel and remarked how he was taller than Martin St. Louis... and St. Louis was wearing skates. I'll never forget it).

Where was I? Oh yeah, shootouts-- good rule.

We're Not the NBA
In perhaps the most blatant slap in the face to their fellow winter-season athletes, the NHL is actively cracking down on players who take dives to embellish a penalty. I say bravo. I can't stand the crybabies in the NBA who pull that crap on a nightly basis. Whoever came up with that rule should get his name engraved on the Cup.

Assorted
Hockey feels so confident about their current drug situation that on their first try they implemented a policy with more balls than Major League Baseball's will ever have. Again, Bravo.
Bigger nets weren't approved, which is a very good thing. Although it may have benefitted the shooters in the NHL slightly, the rest of the world (meaning every level up through the pros) isn't that good, so it would have been a huge detriment to the development of the sport, especially at the youth level.

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