Misguided Searching for Paris

Today's reading material comes from the desk of the editor of the "She Just Won't Go Away" department.
Parental Group Says Hilton Ad Too Hot

The article states that visitors crashed this burger joint's website to see pictures of a bikini-clad Paris Hilton. I find this hard to believe. Mainly, the reason behind my doubt is that she's been in an internet sex video. You can literally see inside the girl. There is absolutely no reason why people should rush to see some 80lb wafer in a two-piece when they can see her in full birthday regalia being violated in at least six different fashions (answering your questions in advance: Yes, I've seen the video, and the girl has even less talent for that trade than she does as an actress-- but then again, what 19 year-old doesn't?). It's baffling.

But it goes further.

Let me list for you the three reasons Paris is famous:
1. She starred in a sex tape leaked onto the internet.
2. She starred in a sex tape leaked onto the internet.
3. She starred in a sex tape leaked onto the internet.

So it's not like she's a Jennifer Aniston or J-Lo who's been around for a while (clothed). And as a friendly service, I'll clarify for all of the people who stormed the web to see this picture-- yes, it's the same internet.

I don't get it. I really don't. I know it's been covered many times by many people, but this public fascination is more puzzling than the number of people who watch Yes Dear every week (100 episodes? Really?).

But then again, maybe it isn't the public at all.

Maybe the Hiltons, from their secret underground lair beneath the Los Angeles Hilton hotel, have actually created a devious plan to make the public only think that they're interested in this no-talent waste of bone marrow by creating an intricate marketing device using paid actors. Think about it. The Hilton family can easily pay a Joe Geek to flood a website. Heck, there's people out there who do it for free every day. Say they pay a whole bunch of out-of-work actors (I'm told LA has a few of those) to fawn and drool over her at ever appearance. The media would look plain stupid if it didn't follow the public's rabid interests, right? Right. So the media fawns and drools and creates tabloid stories and TV shows and action figures and everything else under the sun, and all so some vacant bitch can have her 15 minutes of undeserved publicity.

And it worked.

But if I'm wrong, and I admit that possibility exists, however slightly, and the Hiltons haven't devised a secret military-grade takeover, it's a sad state of affairs. One that I'll never understand. Now if you don't mind, I must take my leave of you today. I need to place a bid on an eBay auction.

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At the closing of this post, I can't help but conjure images of one of my old college roomates, who, if he read this, would have immediately asked me, "Yeah dude, but, come on... you know... you still would, wouldn't you? I mean, seriously."
Yeah, I guess I would.
Sigh.
The answer was right there the whole time. God damn it.
And the cycle continues.

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