Grand Theft Social Skills

Rating: Mature - 17+
Blood and Gore
Intense Violence
Strong Sexual Content
Strong Language
Use of Drugs

Sounds like my type of video game.

As if my geeky nature didn't already render me more inclined to avoid human interaction in lieu of computers, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas came out this week for the PC. You may be asking yourself why this is significant, since it's been out for the PS2 since November, but I can tell you I've intentionally been holding out until now. As was the case for the last GTA installment (Vice City), everything just looks better on the PC. The PS2 is limited by its hardware capabilities -- it's been the exact same gaming system since its release four years ago. PCs, however, change every day. If you bought yours three months ago, there's a fairly decent chance you're already well behind the curve. Game makers know this, and often release much more graphically enhanced versions of the same game.

But enough with the nerdy stuff.

The true appeal of a game like this lies in the first six lines of this post. It's an open ended rampage where a needless slaughter of rival gangs or an 'accidental' fender bender involving three squad cars and a hooker bears little to no consequence. You can even escape a city-wide manhunt by getting your car repainted ("APB on a red BMX bicycle-- ONLY look at the red ones"). It borders on the ridiculous, but that's what makes it so appealing. It's fiction.

Set in the fictional state of San Andreas (based not-so-loosely on California), your character is Carl Johnson ("CJ"), a former gang member who's come back to reclaim his place in the 'hood. Sounds corny, right? It is. And I love it. Much as in Vice City, San Andreas feels over-the-top without being excessively so. It takes place in 1992, and the soundtrack is more than fitting (VC took place in a mid-80's clone of Miami), stretching everywhere from gangsta rap to country to reggae (as you drive around, you can channel surf the different radio stations).

Where the GTA series really excels is in its open-endedness. It always has. While you can go on "missions" to progress the storyline of the game, you're never forced to. Time doesn't run out. There aren't any boundries aside from the obvious geographic limits. There are scores of side games and extra-curriculars (you expand your 'territory' by spray-painting over rival gangs' tags, to name one). You can even customize your character with clothes, tattoos and hairstyles (like playing with dolls... but cooler). Whereas most games lead you from point A to point B, GTA lets you explore the vast cityscapes and countrysides to pretty much do whatever you want. Countless hours can be spent simply driving, riding, running, or walking around. Or, as I mentioned earlier, running over cops and whores in an '86 Ford Bronco... if that sort of thing is your cup of tea... or malt liquor... or whatever.

GTASA differs from its predecessors in its sheer scope (game designers estimated it at 20x larger than the previous titles combined). Spanning three thinly veiled clone cities of Los Angeles (Los Santos), San Francisco (San Fierro) and Las Vegas (Las Venturas), simply finding your way to the barber shop can take the better part of an hour. And that's not even counting the time it takes getting sidetracked robbing a pawn shop.

My point in all this is that if you don't hear from me for a while, if I seem to have vanished from planet Earth, if my tan fades into a bleak shade of eggshell white, if my speech patterns become consistent with seaweed, if I have withdrawn to the point that I have about a 50/50 shot at becoming a serial killer, don't be surprised.

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