Picks from the Dark Side, Week 9

Author's note: Due to the fact that my prescriptions haven't been refilled in quite some time, my NFL picks remain completely split once again.

Season Records:
Straight up: Jekyll 5-10, Hyde 9-6
Spread: Jekyll: 7-8, Hyde 7-8

Jekyll: Any more lessons learned from last week.
Hyde: Just one, this week. Just one.
Jekyll: Let me guess-- never bet against a team whose benevolent owner just passed away.
Hyde: Especially when they're playing at home.
Jekyll: So... are there any deaths to speak of this week?
Hyde: Only if you count Tom Benson's reputation.
Jekyll: Zing.

Philadelphia at WASHINGTON (-3)
Jekyll: I'm going to stick with the Eagles again this week.
Hyde: Wait. Let me get this straight. You're going with an Eagles team, on the road, missing their starting QB AND their starting receiver, Terrell "The Asshole" Owens.
Jekyll: Yep. An Eagles team that held LaDainian Tomlinson to 7 yards a few weeks ago- with their defense, and the way the Skins have been playing lately, all they'll need is 3 points. Akers can take care of that.
Hyde: So you're saying you think Washington's getting shut out two weeks in a row?
Jekyll: Yes. That's what I'm saying.
Hyde: Good luck with that, buddy.
Final: PHI 10 WAS 17, Hyde wins straight up, Hyde wins spread.

CAROLINA at Tampa Bay (+1)
Hyde: I like this Panthers team, they've been solid the last few weeks.
Jekyll: I can't stay away from Jon Gruden and Carnell "Cadillac" Williams.
Hyde: Cadillac. What a lame nickname. You're telling me they couldn't have come up with something better than that? A friggin car? You gonna call him Caddy?
Jekyll: Like you've got something better?
Hyde: Yes-- Carnell Knowledge.
Jekyll: Oh that is beautiful. I'm taking Tampa just because of that.
Final: CAR 34 TB 14, Hyde wins straight up, Hyde wins spread.

PITTSBURGH at Green Bay (+3)
Jekyll: The pride, the tradition, the fans of Lambeau field.
Hyde: The Steelers running game.
Jekyll: Come on, these guys have something to prove. Favre owes it to himself.
Hyde: Whatever, man, I don't bet against a team with three starting running backs. You know this.
Jekyll: What about that whole 'home team advantage' you always make a fuss about?
Hyde: I don't care. They have the defense, they have the running backs. They have this game. I don't care that Big Ben's out.
Jekyll: Ok, well you have your little fantasy there with Charlie Batch-- who owns the second longest active losing streak as a starter-- and I'll watch the lowly Pack finally win one at home.
Hyde: Deal. I'm just pissed because I have Hines Ward on my fantasy team.
Jekyll: Ouch, man. Ouch.
Final: PIT 20 GB 10, Hyde wins straight up, Hyde wins spread.

Tennessee at CLEVELAND (-2)
Hyde: Hey what's with these shitty games this week?
Jekyll: Is that a 'Browns' reference? Shitty? You're so mature.
Hyde: No, idiot, I just mean that none of these teams have any real legitimate shot at making the Super Bowl this year. Not even Philly, unless they cryogenically freeze McNabb until week 17.
Jekyll: True dat, homie. Nevertheless, I'm picking Cleveland here to finally get one at home.
Hyde: Fine, I'm going for the upset special, Steve McNair leading the Titans to a big W.
Jekyll: Enough said about this game?
Hyde: More like too much. Titans Browns. Ugh.
Final: TEN 14 CLE 20, Jekyll wins straight up, Jekyll wins spread.

Monday Night Madness
INDIANAPOLIS at New England (+3.5)
Jekyll: Finally, a worthwhile matchup.
Hyde: Well what did you expect? Like we're really going to disagree on a 10 point spread?
Jekyll: I know, I know. How do you like the champs in this game?
Hyde: Not good. Not good at all. They have 3 injured running backs and a banged up secondary. They got a big lift last week with the return of Teddy Bruschi.
Jekyll: Who should be called Teddy Football Game by now, by the way.
Hyde: Yes, that's fine, and the only thing going for them right now is a stud quarterback who's destined for a fall.
Jekyll: (GASP!) You mean?
Hyde: That's right, I'm picking the Colts.
Jekyll: Oh, I'm sorry, did I say gasp? I meant to say choke! Peyton Manning in Foxboro? That's like a fawn in the beams of a Hummer! That guy won't make 3 passes!
Hyde: You have your theories, I have mine.

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