Wedding Highlights
Some of the more comical highlights leading up to the wedding I attended this past Friday.
Wednesday evening
Over a few beers, we start making prank phone calls to the bride and groom's apartment. They include everything from a leather fetish store manager to Bill Clinton. We also threw in a lonely transvestite named Peppermint (it was a sketch from Mr. Show). A while later, the bride angrily called us back to yell at us for being immature at a stressful time. We had forgotten that she was coordinating international travel. Oops.
"Uhh... I is stuck in Trenton New Jersey and we have run out of euros to pay for a taxi, my number is 22-"
*BEEEEEP*
"Hey Michael, this is Sergio down at Whips 'N Things, we have your gag ball on back order..."
Feeling guilty, we turned our attention to the best man. We left a half dozen messages on his voice mail pretending to be a confused Chinese food delivery guy (think along the lines of Cream of Sum Yun Gai [yes, from Wayne's World], except more graphic). He called us back later and reminded us his girlfriend is Asian. Double oops.
Thursday
Part of the bachelor party involved a full day of golfing with the groom, myself and two of his brothers. Golfing with buddies is great, if only because 85% of the heckling involves lines from Happy Gilmore, Caddyshack, and Tiger Woods golf (the video game).
Doing the bull dance, feeling the flow. Working it.
We also almost hit a guy with a drive when he nonchalantly walked across our fairway looking for his ball. High comedy.
(Author's note: If some jerk walks across your fairway and doesn't react to you yelling at him to move, it is well within golfer's etiquette to drive at him. However, when he gives a shocked look your way, you and your buddies should be prepared to be doing one of two things: 1) giving each other high fives or 2) exchanging money. We realized this after the fact, but I thought it would be best if the rest of the world was informed)
Friday
One of the guests was a Peruvian model (pictures forthcoming), whose command of English, while very good grammatically, was lacking in the subtle nuances that Americans have worked into the lexicon. When one of the caterers walked by at the reception carrying a tray of crabcakes, she said to him, "We really like you because you have crabs." I lost it. My two buddies lost it. We must have belly-laughed for close to five minutes. She was so embarrassed after we explained to her what she had said, she had to apologize to the guy... who was also laughing.
posted by BJC @ 9:46 AM
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